Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
