Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You need a sexual gate keeper
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
