im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
