I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You are a genius and a whore.
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