he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
why do cheetos always look like penises
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
