More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
