I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
