He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
