I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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