my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
