Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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