Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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