We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
