addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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