i need an iv and a liver transplant
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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