I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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