what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
