you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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