...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
