I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
