Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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