Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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