we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Michael Bay diarrhea
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
