I smell stomach acid.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
