Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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