In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
