Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
