Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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