I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
