I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
