dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
