I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
