Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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