Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
