These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
