still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
