Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
