Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
