just come out here and I will go home with you...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
