my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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