Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
