eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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