you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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