I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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