Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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