I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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