i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
