if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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