biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
