So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
