just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
