I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
