And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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