My nipple is on Facebook.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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