he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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