3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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