WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
