hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
