i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
