It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
