when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
