I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
