So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
