I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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