I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
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He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
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We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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